Update on the Tree Saga. I'm currently trying to hound an engineer and repairman to come out and make estimates but they are almost completely ignoring me. I wondered to a companion if there's something I'm doing wrong - do I need to be meaner? - but she said that people are just like this. It's really unfortunate and demoralizing. And every time it rains, I feel a dread in my gut because the tarp is not perfect and a little water always gets in.
I got the bright idea somewhere to paint my nails for the first time in decades to combat my actual factual OCD picking tendencies (if I cannot see the flaws in my nails, I will not rip them apart, right?). I did a poor job of it last night and I felt pathetic, but so far it's working and I'm no longer picking. It's probably a blessing that my nail polish job is so terrible; this way I'm not obsessed with keeping it spotless, not accidentally getting dings from my desk or denting them when I pick things up, etc.
I met with my psych today and we agreed that my current dip in mood is caused by the fucking hole in my roof. He reminded me of my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (lol that I have to spell that out) tips and I admitted that I usually forget in the heat of the moment that any of that is a possibility.
Tomorrow I go to a specialist to deal with some issues I've been having all my life. The drive seems okay but I'm scared anyways, because I'm scared of driving now. How far I have fallen. I also have therapy tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get to talk about some of this. I ALSO go to the store on Thursdays, so that's yet another thing I have to do. I've taken the entire day off of work to do all this, so I don't have to worry about that.
The highlight of the past few days is really that I've started reading books again. I started reading Paladin's Faith by T. Kingfisher a few days ago and finished it recently, and it made me so happy. I want to write again. I'm ramping up toward it. Books, I've remembered, can take me away and lift me up, and I've been bereft of them for about five years. Way too long. I started and finished Thornhedge also by T. Kingfisher in less than 24 hours - it's a retelling of Sleeping Beauty and it was short and wonderful and I highly recommend it. I also highly recommend the other one too, but you should go see the rest of the series before you read this one; it's book 4.
As of this very moment I've officially given up on drawing for the time being. My time and attention can only be divided so many different ways. I can feel what skill I had developed fading, but I probably should start all over again anyways.
May fortune favor us all, and all that.
Update 10 minutes after posting this: the specialist called in with a family emergency and had to cancel my appointment. I'm both elated and crushed. Now October looms.