Last night I was so bored I wanted to cry, so I messaged a friend and got their opinion on Fields of Mistria, since I'd heard so much about it. They put forth a really compelling argument that early access games should be judged on their current pricing vs the amount of game there is to play - is the amount of game in Fields of Mistria worth $13? They said yes, I said yes. And I have been playing it since then.
I'll put up a first thoughts thing in my gaming shrine soon. Maybe tonight, if I'm feeling spicy. It's hard to put my thoughts together about things when I'm just vibing and enjoying them. I never really want to interrupt that feeling.
Engineer visits tomorrow I THINK. These guys have been so flakey and unresponsive there's no guarantee that I'll get this tomorrow. Hopefully we can keep things moving soon. I'm not looking forward to construction. I'm going to have to shut Mochi up inside a room on the other side of the place so she'll be safe from running out in a panic and she'll be able to eat and use the litter box instead of cowering behind the TV in the living room for 8 hours. (That is her safe spot. She goes there when people come over.) She's going to be so terrified. I feel so bad. But, unfortunate act of god and all that.
Funnily, cutting down trees in Fields of Mistria gives me anxiety.
Tomorrow is also Labor Day in the US and I'm off. Then things at my job get very weird due to an ongoing situation. Really an "out of the frying pan, into the fire" type thing now. I don't know what's going to happen. I recently got LinkedIn just in case I might need to flee, but I really don't want to leave this job. I've had it for a very long time. I have so many problems that I need to work on before I can even think of getting myself to a new one, too. So many fears and incapabilities.
One of them is traveling. I've never traveled by myself before, and not with others in many years besides. When I told my therapist that I've never driven on the highway, he was astonished. I've just never needed to. I've never gone anywhere for myself. And when I said I didn't think I'd be able to do it - manage my trip, execute the trip, go through the lines and the tickets and apps and luggage and people, arrive, navigate an unfamiliar place, do unfamiliar things, then turn around and do it all again to go home - he said, "I think you could."
I know it's his job to say that but it feels like he's the only one who's ever believed in me recently. Everyone knows that I'm pathetic. No one believes I can do anything like start going to the store by myself for myself again until I start doing it, and then they're soooo pleased but they didn't believe before. Him believing in me makes me feel like I actually could do it. I want to start making plans.
But there's so much fear in my way.
I am full of fear always,
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